Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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