I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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