Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
