she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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