You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
