watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
