UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
