Pappa wants mamma naked
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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