I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
