PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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