Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
