Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
