The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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