3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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