Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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