Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
