I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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