I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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