I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
