Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize