Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
