if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize