They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
