I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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