This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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