Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
