stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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