I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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