I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
