so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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