A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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