I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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