Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
