You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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