Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
