You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
