My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
