i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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