Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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