Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
