Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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