Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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