I seem to have left my pride at pride
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
