ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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