I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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