gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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