the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have aggressive nipples.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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