Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
