We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
