I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
