matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I forget how to act sober
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