If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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