people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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