I'm so fucking centered right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
