I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
