I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
