1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
