I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
