So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
