and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
