I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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