THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
