I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
