I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
