I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
