I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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