And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
