4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
