Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
