I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
