so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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