I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
