What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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