im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
