hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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